i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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