I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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