allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
