i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.