I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?