Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(716): View more from New York

Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad

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(716): Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad http://tfl.nu/smfo

Replies (8) Good night (984) Bad night (950)
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(732): View more from New Jersey

I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.

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(732): I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one. http://tfl.nu/pu4o

Replies (12) Good night (655) Bad night (2950)
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(734): View more from Michigan

similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.

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(734): similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well. http://tfl.nu/7lvz

Replies (143) Good night (4430) Bad night (943)
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(530): View more from California

I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!

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(530): I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds! http://tfl.nu/6diw

Replies (62) Good night (6751) Bad night (880)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered

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(+44): Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered http://tfl.nu/4p47

Replies (9) Good night (757) Bad night (4119)
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(586): View more from Michigan

he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.

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(586): he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great. http://tfl.nu/bqct

Replies (12) Good night (1582) Bad night (3494)
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(514): View more from Quebec

Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.

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(514): Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife. http://tfl.nu/v3gi

Replies (12) Good night (3183) Bad night (1010)
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(858): View more from California

the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.

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(858): the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus. http://tfl.nu/isnl

Replies (5) Good night (3545) Bad night (1161)
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(303): View more from Colorado

She's just so happy...and so naked.

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(303): She's just so happy...and so naked. http://tfl.nu/5upc

Replies (3) Good night (2954) Bad night (644)
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(573): View more from Missouri

and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.

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(573): and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat. http://tfl.nu/xl3m

Replies (2) Good night (943) Bad night (645)
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(415): View more from California

Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift

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(415): Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift http://tfl.nu/8l3h

Replies (8) Good night (1263) Bad night (816)
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(616): View more from Michigan

I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.

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(616): I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate. http://tfl.nu/d8ay

Replies (4) Good night (1493) Bad night (493)
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(416): View more from Toronto

I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?

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(416): I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know? http://tfl.nu/vw9n

Replies (12) Good night (769) Bad night (1070)
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(519): View more from Ontario

Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg

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(519): Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg http://tfl.nu/646r

Replies (6) Good night (857) Bad night (485)
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(401): View more from Rhode Island

I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.

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(401): I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired. http://tfl.nu/tebe

Replies (3) Good night (535) Bad night (207)

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