just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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