If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize