last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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