Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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