so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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