they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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