; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
