how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
