He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
