Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"