No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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