the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.