Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
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Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
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wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
We're too hungover to prance.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.