Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.