How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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