I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
