Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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