found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
