Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
