i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors