Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?