Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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