I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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