You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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