Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
