ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
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After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
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I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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