cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
