I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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