This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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