I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
