you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
