I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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