you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
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obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
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How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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