Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
