I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
