babies were throwing up all over the place
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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