dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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