Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
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