Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
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