when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize