I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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