i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
