HIV tests are more positive than that guy
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
