Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
