Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize