my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
handjob tips. give me some.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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