never play flip cup with pint glasses
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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