Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
