Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
