what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
They have beer where we have blood.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
