bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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