His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
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Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
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I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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