Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
