I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
