I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
