we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
