the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize