FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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