porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
