mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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