dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
