well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
