'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
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