AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
