Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
