Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
